My First Story

I own a book. A book with a hard cover. A book with no idea. A book with the most desired  market. But I don't know how would it end up. The only thing that assures me of its success is the first page. First Page : The Brightest One.

I don't think if expression is needed to endure the feelings. Its not that you don't have any idea while everything is so clear. Usually brightness is attributed with beauty & achievement.
Like the stories with shimmering complexity of context are supposed to be a bestseller,
Ideas with creativity are thought to be a success,
Movies with bold characters sound to be a blockbuster.

While I don't have any such story. The only thing I own is a book. The book that does not have any shimmering & complex context. An idea that still has to be pondered. A book portraying the only image of my memories. A cover with the color of my Dreams & the shadows of my Imaginations. A book with acknowledgments. And its the only thing that makes it attractive.

A book that would be a bestseller with an idea that will be an absolute hit following a blockbuster story. A story that is yet to be told, yet to be uttered.  In an urge to find suitable words, they possibly seem to be unspoken forever. Because words can never justify the feelings.

And I don't find words worth the story. The story of my book. The story that projects the single subject. The subject that defines my life. My life that revolves around the only sun. A sun with the rays of feelings. Feelings loaded with care & concern. Such radiated care & concern that form the emoted images. The images that reveal a story. The Story Of My Book.

A story to be heard not to be uttered.
A story to be kept not to be disclosed.
A story to be felt not to be told.

Officially, I don't have any story. Neither idea is creative nor its bold. The only thing I own is a book. A book with nothing. But I still bet it to be a hit. An absolute success. A definite blockbuster. Because if I had any possible reader; it would be you. For none else could understand this untold story.

I don't know how would it end up. But the first page of this story is so bright that overshadows the rest of it. A page dedicated to my life.

My Dreams. The Alive Dreams

No Frost No Fire Its all about Warmth

When the raindrops breathe the cold breeze out, allowing the trees to mumble their secrets. When the softness of the sand on a beach, comforts the troubled mind. When a cold cream coffee soothes the friction of thoughts.

When there are sparkles of concern behind the harsh looks.When the care flashes with the exchange of undue comments.When the fights are laminated with the element of liking. Not admitting the faults. When concern proven, pretending arrogant :)

But still talking & holding hands with twinkling eyes that the gauge does not have any scale to measure beyond.
Leading to the state of tranquility.
Rejoicing the triumph.
So calm & quiet.
Feeling the blow of moonbeams.
Touching the waves of rainbow.
Traveling the glittering rainfall.
Confining the molecules of beautiful memories.

The grip on hands tightens with each argument like the freedom enjoyed with the melody of birds chirping at the dawn.
The knots of feelings strengthen with every fight just as the ease that body feels at the first touch of sun rays in a chilled weather.
The strings of emotions mingle badly when annoyed  the way the peace of mind illuminates the vapors of pleasure.

And ... MY madness peaks with every goodbye, highlighting the earnest urge to touch & ulitmately feel with my heart, the delight of enigmatic happiness. Alive Happiness. Pleasing.  Dynamic. Cheery. Enstatic. Around. Everywhere. All over.

♥.

Spectrum Of A Murmur !!!

Although unveiled but a mystery as yet.  I can feel it absorbed in the airs & dissolved in the surroundings. A mystery that can allure the thoughts under some immense spell.

Busy fighting the sand storm of wishes in the desert of imaginations. Not being able to find the frequency match between the personalities. Despite they are being oxidised by the same element of troublesomely tickling delight. And energies reducing due to the unwanted chemical reaction of our feelings & circumstances. This fission process of logic & emotion is ultra sonic that it has made us dumbstruck of the usual active life around. We are so busy maintaining our inner equilibrium that we are unaware of the most desired world at arm's length. We are so ignorant that we cannot even sound our feelings.

Everything is so pronounced. But when we think of plotting, all these happenings become a mystery. Because, this is a fact.
It's always thought to be apparent as long as we don't want to solve it.
It seems so exquisite till the time we don't want to feel it.
It appears to be accessible when we don't tend to approach it.
It feels to be granted since we don't seek it.

And we can perpetually close our eyes but can never avoid the presence of brilliantly-vivid-sparkling-glow. Either it is confessed and acknowledged or negated and denied. Because to nullify the effects we move wildly & blindly in the opposite direction. And when the loop of life journey completes the 360 degrees, it ends up facing the very particular 'something' as our destination that we wanted to deny the most.

Admitting & Denial may have different meanings but they take us to the same destination. With admission it leads our emotions  & in Denial it captures our thoughts.

Lets Fly In The Ocean ♥

Now I want to be disappointed but what actually I'm through is, a young and fresh hope emerging from the engraved desperation. Cravings & longings are brightened & sparkling with a new zeal & zest. Now what should I call it;

My Utmost Dream Weaving OR The Absolute Negligence of Brutal Reality ?

You want me to hate you. So do I. But we aren't getting the desired results. There is something that hinders your hatred touching my heart. What can it possibly be ? I dunno. But what I know is;
When Optimism be this much alive that it can figure the Non-sighted,
When Trust be this much certain that it can feel the Invisible,
When Destination be this much inspirational that it can challenge all the Confidence,
Then, I wonder, how can it would let the flow of hatred take away the fertile particles of concern that has grown the roots of Care & Belonging deep inside it. That has developed an ever-green plant which is planted with supreme compassion & exceptional inclination.
How can it ever produce the fruits of hatred other than pure love ???

Is it crazy;
Expecting Transparency out of Turbidity,
Hoping Modesty from Egotism,
Wishing Purity from Obscurity ?
One can always extract happiness from a challenge but Happiness Can Never Be Challenged.

You think I am brave. I would be.But I don't find myself brave enough to repel what makes me happy. To avoid what I want. To negate the most desirable existence. And most importantly, To pretend as if I don't care while I do. I absolutely do. And how unfortunate of me that I cannot hide my concern. I cannot express myself the particular way you understand. I donot know what are the rules to follow to prove my existence.
Yess. I still doubt if I even exist for you. Do I ? You can never understand how murderous it feels to be negated by the very person for whom you want to exist the most.

After all this I am justified to hate you & you are worth hatred. I should hate you. You want me to hate you. So do I. But we aren't getting the desired results. Because the flow of hatred can NEVER be so strong that it could take away the fertile particles of concerns that have grown the roots of Belonging. Deep. That gave life to an ever lasting plant. A Plant with the leaves of Fondness & the fruits of Sentiment.

Today & For Always.


And I'll Walk Along My Dreams...!!

The more I try not to think about you, the deeper I drown into my feelings for you. I block my thinking process & the backdrop of your memories appears.I try to forget everything. It works. Everything goes darker except the parts of my life supposed to vanish, indubitably belong you, get more highlighted in this forgetting process. My thinking revolves around what you don’t want to be in its orbits. The focus of my dreams is what you always want to be repelled by even its field. The centre of my memories is what you never want to be around.

Im tired. Im exhausted of detaining all this.

Fighting my feelings.

Denying my urge.

Negating the truth.

Ignoring your existence.

Hiding the concern.

I can’t. Because that’s my life.

I love the axis of my life.

I love the focus of my dreams.

I love the centre of my memories.

I love drowning into my feelings, the deeper everytime.

And I, sometimes, wonder If I Could Touch The Bottom. EVER.

Whatever.

I Love The Life Of My Life.

Through The Prism Of Tears

• I can laugh inextinguishably but the traitor tears always betray me.


• You hurt me. But I donot want you to see the hurt in my eyes. I love you. And I donot want you see the love in my eyes either. <3.


• Just as your inside shouts behind your silence, May be, just a may be, my laughters have veiled my tears.


• I can ask you to forget. But I myself can never. While I wish I could.


• Even I wish. But I can never. Infact I don’t.


• Let me cry. Because my laughters are fueled by my tears.


• Who is more miserable ?A girl with a boy who hurts or a girl with a boy who doesn’t even know that she loves him.

• Although my eyes get teary when I try to laugh but this fact also lies along that my lips twitch in a smile when I want to cry.


• What is it im in ? the dusk before dawn or twilight after evening ????

• Nothing in the world compares the awaiting eyes of an addict & the loving eyes of the drug. That the addiction becomes so severe the only thing demanded is drugging while the freaking drug extends hands towards its fanatic to hold and kiss those ever-beautiful-eyes reflecting its image, feeling as if its embossed forever.

• A destination that is sowed in the fertile land of prayers & ploughed five times a day. Then how can it remain fruitless when comes the time to reap ??? Just keep your baskets ready to collect the happiness after cultivation

Because The Dawn Has to Break !

I'm sure. I'm in a transition phase. For mind, its a phase when you donot want to use the right part of brain. You donot want to interrupt the happenings. I think transition seems to be a term for the material things. The things that have some kind of physical existence. If it is so, then I'm wrong. I'm logically wrong. But I am talking about MYSELF .

My Mental State.
My Psychological Phase.
My Emotional Quantum.
My Thinking Orbits.
None of them has any physical existence. BUT they all are my constituents. They reason my existence. They collectively form my spiritual instincts.

Whatever. But I, physically, am still existing in this real world which is the only thing, that I have, can be in a transition.

Everything was rite. Yaar ! sab kuch theek tha.

That suddenly my mind stuck in an in-between state because of the disturbance of the phasing of my psychology. My emotions left their way to a new quantum of emotions. My thinking left its orbit for a new destination. An undiscovered destination. With no road-map. With zero level of surity. With non-existent evidences. But they still left.They lost their focus. I don't know if they all left for ME or they actually left me. I don't know but they all departed. They really did.

Now,

I don't know if I am into the world or I am outta this world. I don't know if I am into a fight or I have already surrendered. I don't know if I am into a sleep or I have waken up from a long dream. I don't know if I am enjoying a pleasant cloudy day our or I'm blistering under the sun. I don't know if I am reading the preface of a book or I've already been through the closing credits of a movie. I don't know if I have just started or I already finished everything. I really don't know if I have gained a life or I lost the only one I had. The Only Thing I Had. MY LIFE. 

No Worries. You know why ? Because I know ALLAH is with me. HE'll settle my mind to its new state. My psychology will soon seek a new phase. My emotions are just to land in its new quantum and my thinking is getting into its new orbit soon.


I am sure. I am in a transition but I am dead sure I am going to be out of this transition into a stable existence. This transition is necessary. Because darkness makes stars visible. The stars that beautify the sky. The stars that make moon more adorable. The stars that let the sun rays replace them. The rays that lit the darkest corners as well.

Oh ! this transition is blessing. Because it leads to the beautiful, gorgeous & lush island that will no more be undiscovered. An island of blessings. An island of pleasures & happiness.

So what to worry for ? What is left to blame ?? Just the Thankyou for ALLAH. Thankyou for everything.

Twinkling Crystalline Tears

Let the tears trickle.
Don't let them form a pool. Because such pools never dry. They just keep on adding salts till they become an ocean. A calm & quiet ocean on the surface while shocking & chaotic in its depths.

Let the tears trickle.
Don't let them form turbid ponds. Because such ponds never refine. Their stagnancy makes every view blur. A stagnant pond in which every sorrow sinks. Where particles of worries make water even muddier.

Let the tears trickle.
Don't let them irritate the eyes. Because such blisters never heal. The tongs of discomfort pluck the delight & prick the bubbles of dreams. Honoring with always-awaken-like-eyes.

Let the tears trickle.
Don't let them form the crystals. Because such crystals never melt. They just cause a decline of the warmth of emotions till they turn you into an Igloo. A cold and burningly-freezing on the surface. White & breathless from inside.

Let the tears trickle.
Let the tears find their own way. Don't let the tears store.
Let your inside be like spring water.Don't let them make a deep salty dam.
Let your inside be fresh & sweet.

Apart from all this !
When you don't let your tears trickle outta your eyes,
All The Weathers Feel Like Crying.

A Bubble: A Virtual Reality

Like the moon floats in the sky,

As the dreams walk in the mind,

The way wishes wander in the heart,

Just as the urges erupt from the thoughts.

One can always negate the feelings but can't help volunteering it.

Like the heartbeat strikes the walls,

As the mind receives the calls,

The ways words leave the mouth,

Just as the actions sound.

One can always pretend but can never help them.

Like the kids are innocent,

As the rains are pleasant,

The way world around is wonderful,

Just as the flowers are colorful.

One can always from new rules but can never ignore the fact.

Like the shawls in the cold,

As the shades under the sun,

the way umbrellas are for rains,

Just as the laughters in strain.

One has to acknowledge it one day.

Willingly or Unwillingly. Fortunately or Unfortunately. Happily or Unhappily. Agreeably. Approvingly. Courteously. Receptively.

You Have To Ultimately ACKNOWLEDGE It.